This is not about sex the fan fiction
by Ioik
Summary: The fan fiction of the Predator Fan fiction, 'This is not about sex'. Now with Mary-sue's, 14 year old erotica and 20% more humour!


**This is not about sex the Fan fiction**

Susan woke up in her bed. The bed was huge and covered in beautiful white fur. Susan loved her bed and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Susan was a beautiful human girl but not to pretty as to be perfect. Susan was just pretty enough to have some admirers but not a lot. She didn't really like when boys told her she was beautiful or wrote her poetry because she knew they didn't really mean it and just wanted to make out. Susan was also really smart but not like genius smart just smart enough to be able to read and do simple mathematics.

Susan got up from her bed and walked into her huge bathroom. It was really big with a bathtub the size of a small swimming pool. She loved to swim in it every morning and did so right now. When she was done cleaning herself, Susan got out of the pool and used the softest fluffiest white towel to dry her body. It was a special gift from the Clan Elder and made out of some alien material that was super absorbent and felt good. The Elder had given the towel to her last month and asked her to marry him but Susan told him that she couldn't marry him because she was in love with someone else. This made the Elder very angry and he demanded to know who so he could fight the other alien for her hand in marriage. But Susan refused to tell the Elder because she didn't want her crush to get hurt so the Elder said "OK, I will not hurt him." And she got to keep the towel.

Just then there was a knock at the door. Susan put on her beautiful white dress with little flowers on it and her flowery headband then put on some silver jewellery with cute animals on it and made her hair look pretty. Then she went and opened the door. It was.......................

"Rat'ein!" Susan said.

"That is my name." Rat'ein said.

"Why are you here?" Susan asked. "I thought you were out killing dangerous black aliens that have acid for blood?"

Rat'ein shrugged and walked inside wearing nothing but his loincloth. He had a tattoo on his arm that was a big heart and had an 'S' in the middle. Susan often wandered who the tattoo was about and secretly hoped it was her.

"I came back." Rat'ein said. "And I wanted to ask you out."

"But... but..." Said Susan. "I'm sorry Rat'ein but I love Wy'strn."

"Oh." Rat'ein said and left.

Now feeling very sad because she had broken Rat'ein's heart Susan decided to make herself a smoothie and some toast with jam and scrambles eggs and pancakes and a bottle of Evian. When she was done eating Susan put the empty plates and pans away and decided to go for a walk.

Outside in the ships garden thing Susan walked around looking at the trees. She loved tree's and walking and the smell of all the alien flowers but it was a little too hot and Susan feinted. When She woke up Gor'ah was staring at her and pushed her out of the way.

"You are a smelly Human." Gor'ah said and left.

Susan never liked Gor'ah because she was never very nice to Susan. Gor'ah was really big, like a tree, and had lots of muscles and looked like a man in drag. She was really ugly and kept trying to steal all of Susan's boyfriends but Susan didn't care because she knew she was better than Gor'ah.

Then Susan went to the shops and bought herself some new clothes. When she was walking home Susan thought she saw someone in the shadows. She felt like she was being followed so Susan walked faster but the person sped up to so she walked even faster but they were catching up so Susan ran and tripped over something and fell on the floor. Feeling very scared but strong because Susan was a independent woman with lots of skills in fighting and stuff she got up and looked at the person following her and said......

"Hey you stop following me!" Said Susan.

"I'm not following you." Said the shadow that turned out to be Susan's friend Claire. "I was trying to catch up with you but you were running to fast."

"Oh." Said Susan and hugged her friend.

Susan and Claire had been friends since they were at pre-school and knew everything about each other. Claire was also pretty like Susan but not as pretty as Susan which often made Claire fill jealous when the boys ignored her to talk to Susan. Claire was also a cheerleader but really wished she could sing and dance like Susan who had won many awards for her perfect singing including Pop Idol.

"Have you told Wy'strn that you love him yet?" Asked Claire.

"Of course not!" Said Susan and blushed.

"I think Wy'strn loves you to." Said Claire. "Because someone said that he does."

"Really?" Asked Susan blushing harder.

"Yeah." Said Claire. "But I have to go and see my boyfriend Steve."

"Ok." Said Susan and went home.

When Susan was near her house on the big alien ship Gor'ah was waiting for her.

"I know you like my brother." Said Gor'ah.

"No I don't!" Blushed Susan.

"Yes you do!" Said Gor'ah.

"No I don't!" Susan blushed again.

"I also know that Rat'ein asked you out." Said Gor'ah. "But you can't have him or my brother!"

"That is none of your business who likes me or not or who I want to kiss." Shouted Susan getting very angry now.

"Kiss? So you do like my brother!" Gor'ah got very angry and attacked Susan.

Susan screamed and tried to fight back but Gor'ah was really strong. Then someone came and got Gor'ah off of her and made her run away. It was................

"Wy'strn!" Said Susan.

"Su'ven!" Wy'strn was all worried. "Are you OK?"

"I'm OK." Said Susan and stood up and blushed when Wy'strn touched her hand.

"My sister is a bitch." Said Wy'strn and blushed to.

"Yeah, she is." Susan looked at the ground. "Do you want to come inside and do something?"

Wy'strn nodded and they went into Susan's house and she made them both a glass of Coca cola and ordered some Dominoes' pizza. When they were done eating pizza Susan looked at her watch and shrieked at the time.

"Oh no!" Shouted Susan very frightened.

"What is it?" Wy'strn rushed to her side.

"It is six o'clock and my father will be here any minute." Said Susan all worried.

"That is OK. I will meet your father and ask him for your hand in marriage because I love you lots and stuff." Said Wy'strn blushing.

"You do?" Asked Susan and gave him a big hug. "Cos I love you lots and stuff to!"

"Really?" Asked Wy'strn. "Because I thought you hated me all this time..."

"Oh but Wy'strn we cannot be together!" Said Susan now sad. "You are an alien and I am a human and my father does not like aliens."

"But Susan..."Wy'strn was confused. "Why does your father live on an alien ship if he does not like aliens?"

Susan stared blankly at Wy'strn for a moment then started to cry.

"My father is a horrible man." Susan cried. "He says I must marry this other human who is ugly or he will kill me."

"I will not let this happen Susan!" Wy'strn roared. "Because I love you lots and stuff."

"There is nothing you can do Wy'strn." Said Susan. "The wedding is set for tomorrow and I have to do it or daddy will drown my puppy. My father is really powerful, he is the ambassador on the alien ship and he will have you killed if you try and stop the wedding. He really hates aliens!"

There was a knock at the door. Susan squealed and tried to convince Wy'strn to hide but Wy'strn was really stubborn and said he didn't care if he died and that he loved Susan and he would die fighting to protect her. Susan was really happy by Wy'strn's words and started to cry, but like happy crying that you do when you are happy but not the happy crying you do when you are laughing the other kind.

Susan went to the door and opened it wide. It was...........

"DAD!" Said Susan.

He was dressed in his black business suit and had a big moustache and a hat like the evil villain you see in films but not the new ones the really old grey ones that are boring. You know what I mean. He barged past Susan and sat down at the couch. Then he noticed Wy'strn and stood up again and pointed his finger at the alien all angry and red.

"WHAT IS THIS!" He shouted.

"It is an alien, called Wy'strn." Said Susan.

"I hate aliens!" Shouted her father.

"But I love your daughter lots and stuff!" Shouted Wy'strn. "And I want to marry her!"

"But she is marrying someone else. Tomorrow!" Shouted her father more loudly.

"But Susan does not want to marry him!" Wy'strn yelled even louder.

"Tough." Said her father and started drinking tea.

"I will kill you then!" Roared Wy'strn and killed her father.

He was dead and Susan was sad and started crying and looked at Wy'strn who was also sad. Then Susan ran into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. Wy'strn ran after her and knocked on the door gently but Susan did not answer and cried on her bed.

"Susan?" Asked Wy'strn through the door but it was all muffled. "Are you OK?"

"You killed my father!" Said Susan.

"I did it to save you from your father marrying you off to a stranger." Said Wy'strn.

"Really?" Susan was happy with Wy'strn's words and opened the door to her bedroom

Wy'strn entered her bedroom and they kissed. Then Wy'strn picked her up bridal style and carried her to the bed and they kissed some more. After a long time of kissing they took off their clothes and kissed naked on the bed. Then Wy'strn touched her breasts which made Susan giggle and blush. He then moved his hand lower and touched her hoo-hah which made Susan blush harder. Wy'strn smiled and Susan smiled back and Wy'strn put his finger inside her and moved it around. Susan suddenly felt really good and moaned. Wy'strn liked the noise Susan made and poked her with his finger more until she screamed out with pleasure.

The screaming had gotten someone's attention though and someone knocked through her door thinking Susan was in trouble and being attacked. They ran into Susan's bedroom and blushed.

"What is going on?" Asked Rat'ein. "Are you OK Susan?"

"I'm fine." Said Susan and looked at Wy'strn.

"Oh." Said Rat'ein looking at Wy'strn to and got sad. "I see you are with Wy'strn now."

"Yes." Said Susan completely forgetting she was naked.

"But I love you lots and stuff!" Shouted Rat'ein showing her his tattoo of the heart and the 'S'. "I have a tattoo of your name initial on my arm cos I love you lots and stuff. Why can't you love me?"

Then Susan realized that she had feelings for Rat'ein too but now she was with Wy'strn. Her heart was torn in two and she was all confused and started crying.

"Susan why are you crying?" Asked Wy'strn.

"Because I love you both and I can't choose which one I want." Said Susan.

Wy'strn looked thoughtful and far away and Susan cried. Then Wy'strn suddenly looked happy and smiled at Susan.

"Why don't you have us both and then you will be happy and not cry." Said Wy'strn.

"That's a brilliant idea!" Said Rat'ein.

"Ok." Said Susan.

And they all started kissing and touching each other then Rat'ein put his finger in her Hoo-hah whilst Wy'strn touched Rat'ein's special place and they all moaned. But then...............

Gor'ah ran into the room and screamed!

"No you can't have them!" Shouted Gor'ah. "They are my males!"

"Back off bitch!" Shouted Susan and punched Gor'ah in the face making her bleed and cry. "You're too ugly for boyfriends!"

Gor'ah cried on the floor then got up and ran away leaving Wy'strn, Rat'ein and Susan to go back to fingering and sucking each other off. And they all lived happily, swingingly ever after.

The End

Oh and Lari was there to.


End file.
